I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
