I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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