he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
