Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
