all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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