He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
