girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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