1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
