That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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