I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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