Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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