I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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