The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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