I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
