I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
