Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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