ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
