girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
