saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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