It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
