I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
