Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pants are for mortals
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
