happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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