omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
