Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
