Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
