I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
