Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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