There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
