What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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