He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
