Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
