bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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