We're like a lot better than the average bears
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
