I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
