My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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