Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
