I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
