no. you can't hotbox the world.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
