If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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