Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
