Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
