My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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