When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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