My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
