I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
