My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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