No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My dad is sitting where you rode me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
