would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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