We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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