I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
