I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
vagina is talking i cant
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
