He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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