Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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