every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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