Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

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(850): View more from Florida

I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5

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(773): View more from Illinois

You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?

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(602): View more from Arizona

All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you

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(607): View more from New York

No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all

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