I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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