normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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