You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
