We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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