i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
