I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
