You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize