May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
