Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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